Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
