I wish I only lived at night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
