It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
