Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
