shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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