PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
