im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
