Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
