And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
