When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
