how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
