We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
