I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
