Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
