Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
