I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
