That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
