yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm at about main and main street
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
