It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
