Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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