We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize