i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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