You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
