I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
