I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
