Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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