I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
