It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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