Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
