i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
