Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize