Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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