Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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