At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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