I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
