wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
