I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize