It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize