I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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