So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
