the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
