Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
