There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize