I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
