im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
