I want to stick my p in your. b.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
