why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
