Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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