Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
