I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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