great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize