you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
