i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think I am morally bankrupt
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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