we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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