alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
