dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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