im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
