Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
