Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
