Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
