Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She bit a glass in half.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
