I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
