I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
