Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
